handjob tips. give me some.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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