i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
