It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
