I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
