sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
