I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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