She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
