Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
