hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
