If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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