Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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