you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
