I'm really into asian looking animals
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
