Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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