My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
