I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
