how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
