So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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