and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
