fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This baby is an asshole
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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