i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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