I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
God, I missed his penis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
