Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
