Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
