We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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