oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
