He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
