Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize