I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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