please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
