Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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