How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
