i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
