I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
