So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am spending my child support on dildos
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
