A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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