i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
