I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
