Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
time to smoke my breakfast
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
