so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
