I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
