I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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