Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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