so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
