last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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