Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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