That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
