i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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