dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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