...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
