I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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