i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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