No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
